Two Pieces of a Broken Heart
by thebluegirl125
Summary: Natasha has to pick between two things: love or loyalty? When Natasha is assigned to a mission to erase Loki's very existence even if he's currently stuck in a cell with no way of escaping, things don't go exactly as planned. What will Natasha do to get back everything she lost? This mission isn't exactly the typical interrogate and kill.
1. Chapter ONE: Fit for a KING

**Two Pieces of a Broken Heart**

**Chapter One **

**Fit for a **_**KING **_

The Battle of New York was absolutely devastating.

Buildings toppled over one another like dominoes, rubble dots the sidewalks like blooming flowers, jagged cracks imprint the streets and citizens mourn over lost possessions and deceased loved ones. The Avengers may have saved the city from being wiped off the map, but they couldn't save the souls tarnished with fear that only Loki could have stricken. Nevertheless, the Avengers had given the citizens of New York something a lot stronger than fear, and that was _hope_.

However, the Avengers had gone to their separate ways. Tony Stark was busy rebuilding the penthouse of the Stark Tower, Bruce Banner travelled to Indonesia to start a new chapter in helping the less fortunate, Steve Rogers went back on missions and lived in his apartment in Brooklyn, Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton were currently in Russia, busy cutting ties and messy knots from Natasha and possibly SHIELD.

Midgard was safe.

But that is not where our story starts.

It has been three days.

It's not much. In the span of three days, mortals could have gone to work, gone home and the day was over, sleeping to return to the same routine the next day.

It was a different case for Loki.

The first day, Thor and Loki returned to Asgard, with the Tesseract in tow, out of mortals' reach. They had walked into the throne room, and Loki faced his crimes with a chin tilted high and a certain glint in his eyes. The AllFather had yet to decide the suitable punishment for Loki, so when Loki was cast out to the dungeons, Thor was relieved. He has heard stories in his childhood that Odin would execute prisoners on the spot, the blood being wiped off by some of Odin's most trusted guards, Odin's eyes glinting in sorrow yet in contempt all the while. Maybe he held love for Loki, never mind him being beyond reason.

The second day, Loki had tried to plot his escape. He tried to send the guards askew with fake emergencies. Although Loki's magic was depleted, he could still create holograms of fire and whatnot. When the guards found the loophole, even if Loki used his last drop of magic to create an illusion of a fair maiden screaming in the tongues of fire, they had planted their feet rigidly to the ground. Loki decided to use his words, now free of the muzzle, but he was speaking to deaf ears. He only stopped trying when Thor came, and spoke _"you are no monster, Loki. As to why you want to become one, I do not know." _

The third day, his punishment was decided. Indeed, Odin still held love for Loki, so he did not execute the god, rather, gave him a more suitable punishment. _"He is to stay as a mortal, living in Midgard, in the household of the man by the name Stark, and shall stay in Midgard powerless. Loki. You shall only receive your powers and godly traits if you are deemed worthy. Thor, you shall accompany him" _Odin had spoken. Loki had thrashed around, screaming profanity after profanity at Odin, but could barely look at Frigga, who wore a look of sorrow. Thor had gently told Loki to stop, but Loki responded only with fire and ice. How he could wield two opposing elements just by _words _was impressive, but it wasn't enough to sway the AllFather's decisions.

Now, they are standing on the Bifrost.

Thor and Loki stand, side by side, their backs turned on the AllFather behind him, responsible for conjuring up energy to transport the two gods -well, the god and the mortal- to Midgard. Loki was still chained, but the muzzle was taken off. The god had gone a tad bit shorter. Thor doesn't know if it's from the spell of mortality or if Odin wanted to get kicks out of Loki's punishment. "Are you ready" Odin's heavy yet powerful voice filters the air, and Thor nods. Thor glances at Loki momentarily, seeing the different swirling expressions in his emerald eyes. They looked down at the darkness of the void, and Thor briefly remembers their last encounter here on the Bifrost. The beautiful bridge now just a ragged shard of glass, waiting for its next victim to take the wrong step.

All-too-suddenly, a portal appears and Thor and Loki take one last glance at Odin, and then they are sucked in. Thor is aware of Loki beside him, but it feels like he is detached from his own body. Finally, when he opens his eyes again, he stands on the very tower and very place where Loki stuck a dagger into his abdomen. Clenching Mjolnir harder, he turns to look at Loki, who briefly stumbled before steadying himself with a disgusted sniff.

"Come" Thor's voice rumbled "We shall alert friend Stark of our...visit."

"I see your remodeled the place, but did not fix the crater I made when your lumbering giant..._The Hulk _wiped the floor with my body" Loki drawled flatly, satisfied with Tony's expression: a cross between panic and anger. Loki also found it amusing that in less than five seconds prior to seeing Loki, Tony already has one repulsor ray aimed at him. Thor clicks his tongue as they stand awkwardly in the top floor, and speaks "come now, Loki. Do not jest."

Tony is silent for a few seconds, his mouth open and his eyes unmoving. But before anyone could say anything, Loki was on the floor, pinned down by none other than Tony Stark himself. "What the _hell _are you doing here?! Thor, yeah, buddy, wanna tell me _why _this _god _is in my _tower_" Loki struggled against Tony's grip, but being a mortal had its _obvious _disadvantages, so Loki begrudgingly stayed put. Thor stood off in the side, watching Loki and Tony with a cross between amusement and cautiousness, before he begins the tale of how they ended up here. When he finished, Tony shot upwards to the ceiling making rubble rain down on the three. _"Sir, you have just fixed that ceiling -" _"SAVE IT JARVIS I'LL FIX IT LATER." Thor spoke worriedly "friend Stark, have care with how you pin my brother down onto the floor, he is now a mortal therefore he is weak" Tony sighed, and got up, and watched with sick satisfaction as Loki struggled to at least get into the sitting position.

After twenty solid minutes of trying to get up and failing, Loki finally stands and wobbles slightly, but before he could say anything, he is being dragged to the elevator. Loki rolls his eyes, but complies anyway. Tony angrily jabs the button of the lower floors, and when they walk out, Loki is immediately locked into a glass cell. Loki sighs inside his new _home_, and sits down on the cold metal bench, a new fire of anger erupting inside of him. Tony triple locks the cell, and makes sure that the systems are flaw-free.

"Let's assemble"

The Avengers plus Nick Fury arrive in two hours, which was surprising because they knew Natasha and Clint were in Russia (Fury's a big _liar_). "What...the _hell is this_" Nick Fury exclaims, and they all stand before Loki's cell. Loki feels like a laboratory experiment, or a rat under inspection, as they shout and argue outside. Thor tells his story for over three times, Tony and Clint agree that Loki should die, Natasha is helping Bruce calm down and Steve and Nick Fury are observing the whole catastrophe.

"Are you all _blind" _a rage-filled voice joins in with the rest, and that gets them to stop. They turn around to see Loki standing as closely as possible, a tightly clenched fist resting onto the clean, smooth and _unbreakable _glass. Loki snarled "I am in _your presence _and you talk about me as if I am not here! I have heard you..._loud and clear_. _Yes_, I am your prisoner, and _yes _I am now a mortal. What else is there to discuss?" the silence doesn't satisfy Loki like it is supposed to. Loki realizes he's not just angry, he feels betrayed. Nick Fury is silent before finally saying: "you are all to stay here for the meantime, play house. Loki, you are now officially SHIELD's prisoner and you will stay that way until you are...deemed worthy, or whatever that means" and Fury walks away. The rest of the Avengers walk away too, except Thor, who stays behind.

"I'm sorry, brother. I tried to -" "to _what_, Thor? What could've you done? What could've you said to have changed my fate?!" Loki retaliates fiercely. "As I have said before, Loki. You are no monster. You became the monster you never were" and Thor left.

Loki also realizes that this is the suitable punishment for him. His cell the suitable chamber for a would-be king.


	2. Chapter TWO: Is There Even an AFTER?

**Chapter Two **

**Is There Even an AFTER? **

It has been two nights.

There isn't much to do except sit and wait in the glass cell Loki sits in. SHIELD agents come and go some with trays of food and others with nothing but insults. Loki barely touches the food, but he eventually gives in to the uncharacteristic rumbling of his stomach, remembering that he is now mortal.

Is _this _-minus the cell and the way the agents looked at Loki with disgust- how mortals lived everyday?

Loki notices that humans have routines. Routines they follow on a daily basis. They may vary, but there will always be an everlasting protocol that will stay forever, and it comes in different forms. This piques Loki's interest, but it isn't enough to drive him away from his anger. The only thing keeping him from scratching the cell's glass is the flame-thrower gun that will be aimed at him to incinerate him. It is a cell-trap after all.

As Loki sits on the cold tiles of his cell, his back turned, he doesn't hear the soft padding of boots walking towards the glass. Glass that is supposed to be fragile, but instead, it is strong. Glass that should've been so easy to escape from, but it is meant to restraint Loki. Loki growls loudly, and startles some agents standing off idly near his cell, but he is surprised to find them walking away. "Your presence is scary enough, Loki. You don't need to be feral" a soft, berating voice speaks clearly from behind him. The clacks of the owner's boots are louder now, the owner of the silky voice making itself known to the former god. Loki doesn't need to turn around to know who it is, so he snarls "come to gloat, mortal?" "You can no longer call me a mortal, because you're one too." Loki's chest tightens. The former god stands up, and turns around to find Natasha Romanoff standing rigidly, her arms crossed over her chest, a gun strapped to her waist. She didn't even bother to hide it. Loki smiles sardonically, and he said "why is it always _you _who comes to pay a visit?" Natasha retorts "I'm not visiting, Loki. I'm here to make sure you know what exactly you've done." Natasha walks forward slowly, each step calculated and even. Loki stands his ground inside the cell. His emerald eyes focus on Natasha's orbs. They were the same color, but in it, Loki finds a different light. A heavy, surprising fist smashes onto the glass, but this doesn't intimidate Loki.

Natasha looks down onto her feet, before looking at the former god with so much _pain _and _hurt _but it leaves her eyes completely. They turn hard. They turn cold. "You deserve pain, Loki" Natasha lowly mutters "you deserve so much pain for what you did. You don't what we all have to go through each and every night. All that _pain_" Natasha doesn't stop. She slams her fist again and again onto the glass, and doesn't stop. "You" _SLAM _"HURT" _BANG _"HIM" Loki slowly walked away from the glass, finally allowing the tiniest bit of fear worm its way into his heart. He wouldn't have done this if Natasha didn't look so intent on making Loki tremble or at least break. He wouldn't have done this if Natasha had a wild, crazed look in her eyes. She looked determined. This looked planned. The pounding stopped, and the only mark it left was a jagged hairline fracture, and this made Loki realize that the glass wasn't as strong as he thought it would be. Natasha turns around, breathing heavily, clenching and unclenching her fists. "Tell me, Loki. Do you know pain? Have you ever felt even just _one _jab, just _one _cut, just _one stab_?"

_Yes _Loki wanted to say_ I have_. Instead, he forces out a humorless chuckle, until it erupts into a cruel laugh. This is the laugh of someone who has lost control. This is the laugh of someone who doesn't know what happens after this, if there is even an _after _waiting for him. This is the laugh of someone who's experienced so much pain and wishes there was end to his nature to _fail_.

But he doesn't say so. Honesty is not his strongest point. He is not honest.

Loki replies "I am immune to pain, Agent Romanoff."

His mind is now muddled with the sound of Natasha walking away.

Loki doesn't remember falling asleep, but he remembers every detail of his dream.

_Everyone's dying. Asgard is in shambles, golden shards of the palace melt in the tongues of fire, men are dying on the ground, and blood seeps into the soles of Loki's boots._

_Except that in his dream, Loki is a child. _

_Loki -the child- walks around, emerald eyes horrified. A garbled cough arouses him from his horrified trance, and a cry emits from his mouth as he sees Thor. "Brother!" Loki cries out and he is about to run to him but a taller man walks towards the body of Thor slowly, a sick smile slowly spreading on his pale face. "Get away from my brother!" the child Loki shrieks, but the taller man looks at him, and they both stop. The taller man before him is Loki, as an adult. As the man, so eaten by pain and jealousy. _

_The taller man kneels on the ground, and briefly runs a hand down Thor's cheek, but he turns to the child-Loki, and says, eyes downcast on the bloodstained ground "do not grow up to be me, Loki. I am the monster that parents tell their children at night. I am the very definition of a monster. Not because I am not who people perceive me to be, but because I decided to live up to their perceptions. Never, ever do this when you grow up, Loki" the child-Loki doesn't understand._

_All he knows is Thor's dead, and he is watching his older self relish in the fact of his very own brother's death._

_"I never want to be like you! I never want to do this! No! I'll NEVER be you!" _

A frustrated scream tears itself away from Loki's already sore throat. Loki knows it's breakfast because a trembling agent slides a tray inside his cell before the agent runs away. He sits on the floor, hands curled around raven strands of hair. A tear runs down his cheek without his permission, and Loki only angrily wipes it away. Another scream echoes against the glass, but it is fueled with fury and hatred. But now, everything's a mess. Loki doesn't know why he's so angry, and why he's filled with this hatred.

Maybe he's not angry at the world anymore. Maybe he's angry with himself, for always failing. He took both sides. He couldn't be good, neither could he be bad. He has no more magic, no more powers, and no family. So what is he? Where is he in this world? What is he in all of the Nine Realms?

Behind him, Thor's voice is garbled and drowned out by his screams he is no longer aware of doing. Behind him, he feels the eyes of the Avengers watching him with such satisfaction that it makes him sick. Behind him, he feels Natasha Romanoff's eyes glinting with sadistic humor, a slight curve of the lips, and the satisfaction.

Maybe he does deserve pain. Maybe he does.

But he doesn't want to show this.

The screams gradually stop, and he caught the Avengers by surprise by standing shakily before them, a weak smirk fixed on his face. Loki coughs and he speaks "enjoyed the show?" Is this all he could do? Is this smirk always going to be present on his face, his lips forever fixated into that _look _of pure distaste yet cruel humor?

"It's almost ready, Sir" Agent Hill speaks behind Nick Fury quietly, still entranced with the footage from the Stark Tower. They float high in the sky, the helicarrier their most prized possession. "Good" a gruff reply worms its way out of Fury's tight lips.

Slowly reaching for his earpiece, he speaks "Natasha Romanoff, do you copy? Good. Now go to the HQ, get into the helicarrier. We have a special mission for you."

Loki sees Natasha leave, and he feels satisfaction for a fraction of a moment. Had he managed to make Natasha somehow guilty throughout his whole episode? So he starts cruelly laughing, spitting out insults like it were a part of a normal conversation, relishing in the fact that it takes Clint almost the whole team for him to not throw himself at the former god. Satisfied with Bruce's struggling against the creature inside of him.

Dread spreads everywhere in Loki's body, and he doesn't know if what he's doing has an after.

_An after. _


	3. Chapter THREE: Grown-Up Pinky PROMISES

**Chapter THREE **

**Grown-Up Pinky PROMISES**

Natasha Romanoff can't sleep.

She's been lying in bed the whole time, staring at the inky darkness only illuminated by numerous lights only New York buildings could give. It gave the city an orange and white glow amidst the darkness, noise amidst the silence, and that's why Natasha likes turning to the side where the huge window of her room was located. To remind her she's not alone. _Fury's certainly outdone himself this time _Natasha thought bitterly as she recalled her previous meeting with the furious Director Nick Fury:

"_That god isn't to be trusted, Agent Romanoff. Now, these scientists built a machine that will forever erase his existence. In Norse Mythology books, in people's minds and finally, HE will be gone. This is one of a kind, Agent Romanoff. Loki can be our guinea pig for this little…experiment" Fury spoke evenly. Natasha's eyes dilated, and she said "are you telling me I will somewhat betray the Avengers and make Loki think I'm helping him escape…just to erase his existence? After that, what happens to me? Forever marked as the Avenger who betrayed her teammates and possibly the whole country?" Fury chuckles and he said "where is your loyalty, Romanoff?"_

_Natasha spoke lowly "this isn't about loyalty, Fury, this is about the good of all American citizens. Won't they think that this whole experiment will be the Avengers' betrayal? This will cause panic. This will cause mayhem, media, propaganda" Fury said "so be it. This mission is to erase his existence, once the people know what we've done, there will be none of that" "and the Asgardians?" that silenced Fury. Natasha doesn't know why she's so eager to get out of this mission. Fury said "we'll deal with the consequences later. Now it's either you accept this mission or you don't."_

_What about Clint? Natasha thought to herself, and thought of everybody in the Avenger: giving her seething looks, eyes shining with betrayal. _

"_I accept"_

Natasha's own words haunted her, as she looked at the digital clock atop her bedside table. _1:52 am _it read. In less than a few hours, she had to go to Loki's cell, and promise escape. Hours after that, she'll have to break him out of there, and then they run somewhere off. The site for the machine _Erase Version 1.7 _was in Orlando, Florida, which is a relatively long drive from New York. Although, since it _is _an escape, Natasha would have to prolong their drive even further, so instead of twenty hours it would become even longer. For added effect, somewhere in their drive some SHIELD agents would just pop out of nowhere and begin attacking. Natasha groaned, and stood up. Pulling on some sweatpants and a hoodie, maybe it was best if she began to tell Loki of her "grand plan." The sooner she does this, the faster Loki's existence would be erased from all of the Nine Realms, and the faster she could escape.

She bit her lip hard on that statement itself.

Walking out of her room and riding the elevator down to Loki's cell, she was surprised to find Loki awake. He sat on the floor –that looked undoubtedly cold—with his back turned, so Natasha walked soundlessly. "Can't sleep?" Natasha whispered, in the softest voice she could muster for the man she hated. Loki jumped slightly, before turning around, face morphed into a half-hearted glare. Natasha sat on the floor next to Loki's cell, and placed a gentle hand on the glass, staring straight into Loki's emerald eyes. Loki looked surprised by the action, so he didn't do or say anything. Natasha wanted to scream, wanted to shout that this was all just a façade, but she couldn't. She couldn't compromise this mission, as she was already walking on fragile ice. Natasha looked down onto the floor, and whispered "I'm sorry for what I did…earlier. It was unbecoming. It wasn't professional" she can almost _feel _the shock in Loki.

Loki doesn't know how to react, so he uses his usual tactic and sneers "don't apologize to me, _mortal_. You are all beneath me, and when I have my powers returned back, I'll waste no time in getting my revenge." Natasha wants to punch Loki really hard in the eye, but she knows she can't blow her cover. Instead she wears a look of determination and gently speaks "stop this Loki. Stop pushing everyone away. Is…this why you became this way? Is this why you still reject the love of your parents…of Thor? They…care for you Loki, and now I realize my mistake and I want to say sorry" Loki doesn't speak. He doesn't do anything except let his eyes widen. "What's with the sudden change, Romanoff. Why are you apologizing to me, of all people" and Loki turns around. Natasha bites her lip, and pretends to tear up, making her voice waver "I saw myself in you, Loki. I don't know how or why in the _world _but I did. Damn it." At that, Loki bristles. Loki shouts "what could you possibly see in me that's in _you_? I'm a monster, Agent Romanoff. I spilled so much blood than you ever had and I do it because it _satisfies _me and I wish it didn't."

This surprised Natasha. With a few simple words, she was able to make Loki open up in a way that was terrifying yet so raw and so exposed. Natasha speaks with a hushed voice "you don't know how much blood I've spilled, Loki. Clint may have revealed a lot to you but it's so much more different in my perspective. I killed regardless of who they were. I've heard children scream just before I stuck my blade into their hearts. I've seen parents beg before I pulled the trigger. I know how this all feels, Loki. I know. I'm sorry for giving you such a harsh reminder of what happened. What you felt is exactly how I felt. I'm sorry." The silence suffocates them both, but Loki finally whispers "are you jesting me, Agent Romanoff? Are all these words sincere?" the pain in his voice shocks Natasha, but she wants to shout.

_Yes! _Natasha wants to howl _This is all one big trap and you're going to die! I'm going to be there, watching you writhe and scream and be erased from all of the Nine Realms. I'm leading you to your very death!_

A cruel laugh almost erupts from Natasha's mouth, but she holds it in. Because Loki can't see, she smiles sardonically, but her words are soft and caring. The words interloped by imaginary pieces of thread that form coherent –deceitful—sentences tumble out of her mouth:

"I mean every word, Loki. I mean every single damn word."

When Natasha was younger, she always wondered how grown-ups did their pinky promises. Now she knew. When there is a promise, there will always be betrayal. They usually ended up with severed pinkies.


	4. Author's Note (PLEASE READ VERY URGENT)

**Author's Note:**

This is probably illegal ehehehe.

I know this will piss some people off.

First, thanks to all who reviewed :') It means a lot that some of you took time to read and review.

Second, I'm sorry for not updating I've been busy with school (*sigh* the destroyer of all things good) and projects and lots of ugly stuff.

So I promise to update soon!

Thank you!


	5. Chapter FOUR: The ESCAPE

**Chapter FOUR**

**The ESCAPE**

The silence was suffocating.

Natasha drew in stuttering breaths, and she stood up, hands curling into fists at her side. "Loki, I'm going to ask you a very important question: Would you like to escape?"

She sees Loki freeze. She can practically see the gears turning in his mind, the pros and cons. "Loki," she repeated softly, and the ex-god turned around, eyes wide with something akin to _fear _and doubt written all over his features. Loki whispered "Is this…is this some kind of game you Midgardians play? Some scheme to lure me into a trap?"

Somehow, when Natasha opens her mouth to articulate the lie forming in her mind, her heart wrenches and her palms grow sweaty. Why did she suddenly feel like she was lying to a child? Telling the poor kid that the monster will go away but the monster still loomed on top of him?

"No, Loki. I want you out of here, you don't deserve this pain."

Loki drew in a breath Natasha didn't even know he was holding, a shocked expression replacing his doubtful one. Natasha took a step backward. "I'm going to get what we need. I promise I'll come back, alright?" Loki murmured "How do I know I can trust you?" The agent pressed a palm against the glass that trapped Loki, saying "I'll come back."

Natasha walked away slowly, entering the elevator and punching her floor's button. Once she was there, she swiftly entered her room and changed into her usual suit. Grabbing the pre-packed escape bag, she stuffed her guns and smaller artillery in the pockets, and added knives and whatnot in her belt. Finally, she slipped on her boots and wore the comm in her ear. It wasn't noticeable and it was camouflaged greatly by her hair. She ran out of her room, but she saw a shadow near the couch in the middle of the floor.

Clint.

"Tasha, what are you doing up?" Clint asked, a small smile forming on his face. Natasha cursed in her head and said "Fury called me for a debriefing. New mission, I think." The archer frowned and said "What about us?" She tried to keep her voice from wavering, and she said "It's just for me. I think I'm being sent to Russia or someplace remote. Again. You know how this works, Clint." Clint nodded, his eyebrow arched in unhidden suspicion, and Natasha hoped he bought he lie.

She walked away and almost froze when Clint whispered, "Good luck."

Natasha couldn't take it. She turned around and gave Clint a big hug, enveloping him in a tight embrace. Clint jumped slightly and asked, "Tasha, something wrong?" Natasha pulled away, clearing her throat. She walked away and entered the elevator, punching the button to Loki's floor.

When the metal doors opened, she could see Loki, emerald eyes nervous, but when they caught sight of Natasha, they relaxed slightly. She gave a curt nod, and walked over to the controls room, punching codes and button into the computer that will shut down the surveillance cameras in the floor. Natasha smiles almost bitterly. The only people who knew of this mission was Fury, Natasha herself and Tony Stark's AI, JARVIS. "JARVIS, this is Agent Romanoff. System Override Protocol number 314. I repeat, System Override Protocol number 314." It was a weird code for JARVIS to understand that the surveillance is supposed to be shut off everywhere in the tower, and the surveillance from five hours ago would play back and loop. Taking extra precautions, they programmed a CGI database into JARVIS' system, so when the Agents smelled something funny, the program would instantly alter the tapes to make it look like it was live feed using CGI.

Finally, she tapped on the buttons that would open Loki's cage. The last button was pressed, and finally, the situation became more real.

The glass slowly descended, and Natasha stood in front of the entire thing, watching everything unfold before her. The glass completely gave away, sinking down through panels that were almost unseen, and finally, Loki stood up. He was doubtful. His movements were slow and unsure. Natasha allowed herself a small smile, as she outstretched her hand, a sign for Loki to walk towards her.

Fear filtered her heart and pumped into her veins. She knew how unpredictable and wild Loki could get, and even as a mortal, maybe he'd have a few tricks up his sleeve.

But the god took tentative steps forward, and placed his hand hesitantly into hers, the slight sounds of his boots stopping. The silence became dense, more suffocating.

Then, everything became clearer. Every blurred line and angle became sharp.

Loki, who was struggling to keep himself from panicking, the endless possibilities of deceit and betrayal going through the gears of his mind, put his faith into Natasha. Natasha was successful in getting Loki to believe this was all part of her wild dreams of escape with a villain. Natasha lied and used her words that used to fail against Loki's to get him to trust her, when all his life he was a lie.

Like a Siren of the old Greek Myths, Natasha had morphed her form to become a hero, to become his saviour.

Loki had fallen for the trap.

Natasha pulled on Loki's arm, leading him into the elevator and pressed the button to the garage. They travelled down in silence, Natasha trying to push the sudden guilt away. The doors opened and they were standing in the multitude of cars, and only one stood out. Of course, the one that SHIELD put in there. They got in the black mini-van, and Natasha slammed the doors shut after pulling the ex-god in. She slammed on the pedal and drove through the metal of the garage's gate, entering into the world of darkness, empty pavements and bright streetlights.

They had escaped.


	6. Chapter FIVE: A White CANVAS

**Chapter FIVE**

**A White Canvas, Now With COLORS **

The black mini-van drove down the street.

There were no people out at this time of the hour, barely two-thirty in the morning. The sky was dark and the city lights were far enough from the road that it won't illuminate Natasha and Loki's faces. Loki sat in the back seat, trusting the darkness to keep him from being scene. The assassin was in the front seat, driving, the location of the warehouse the device that would eradicate Loki's existence would be in, labelled as the_ safe house _on the mini screen near the radio.

There were no policemen patrolling around so Natasha picked up the speed. It will only take about an hour for Stark to notice that the surveillance has been looped, and thirty minutes to alert the team. "Are you okay back there, Loki?" Natasha turned her head around slightly, seeing Loki huddled in the backseat. Loki nodded and Natasha turned her eyes back on the wheel.

The silence was uncomfortable. Natasha decided that she would talk, get Loki to trust her a little more.

"I don't trust you, Agent Romanoff."

Loki spoke icily, masking the distrust edging near his voice. Natasha almost froze. "Loki, you know that I—" Loki spat out, "Impossible! I know that this is all somehow a scheme to get me to surrender. Maybe this is a scheme made by your oh-so-wonderful Director Fury."

Natasha bit her lip angrily. She slammed on the brakes.

"Look at me, Loki. Look at me and tell me I'm lying," Natasha growled, swivelling around slightly, enough for Loki to see her emerald eyes. The ex-god was rigid, in a stance ready to attack, but his eyes softened. Natasha's eyes did too. From the corner of her eye, she could see the god trying to stop the trembling in his fingers. Natasha turned away, and continued driving, turning left. "You're just afraid, Loki. Trust me, please," Natasha whispered. Somehow, she hated the fact that Loki thought everything was a trap. She hated the fact that even the soup that the SHIELD agents brought in for him made him suspicious and edgy.

_Stop it _Natasha scolded herself, _this is a mission, and petty sentimentality for a mass-murderer will screw everything up_.

The ex-god was silent. The only sign of his presence was his breathing. The assassin sighed and said "When I was younger, I used to think that the people who smiled were the kindest." The tension shifted slightly, and she waited, a silent question that asked if she could continue. "Go on," Loki whispered, and Natasha smiled a little to herself, turning right. "I always looked at people's smiles, and thought _'this man must love his children, he must be happy and loving'_ and then, I was trained to be an assassin, my vision of the world changed."

Natasha gripped the wheel tightly. She couldn't belief that she was opening up to a crazy psychopath, but it just came naturally to her. "They taught me that not everyone could be trusted, and that a smile doesn't define people's intentions or personality or ideals. No, they could mean deceit, hurt, pain or betrayal. Which is why after my eighth birthday, I never looked at people's smiles again."

"Then, I had this best friend. We were trained to become assassins in this place and she was with me. We were at the top of the class, always praised by our teachers who liked the sight of blood and the feeling of murder. I didn't understand her though, because she always smiled. She was always pleasant to be around. She shared her food, her blankets and even the very little possessions the teachers let us keep. We were lapdogs. Dangerous, knife-wielding lapdogs who weren't allowed to play. And in that group was my best friend, who sang songs about flowers and gave us her butter cookies."

Natasha swallowed as she drove over a highway. "When SHIELD got me back under its radar, when I started working for them again, I saw her. She was with the enemy. Smiles were really ruined for me, because right before I had to kill her, she dropped her gun and all her weapons. She smiled and told me that she had been thinking lately, about choices and all the blood she's spilled. My best friend told me to kill her. To do it for what's good. I couldn't, so she took my gun and killed herself. She was smiling."

"Loki, she was a skilled assassin. She used to share her butter cookies. She died with a smile, and she's the only person I knew that smiled and did the bad and good things. Weird, huh, how people try to tell you how the world works, and then you see it differently and realize that not all the gears each people see are the same."

The discomfort in the atmosphere has lifted. Natasha turned around to look at Loki, a bittersweet smile on her face, to see Loki looking down at his hands. He was clearly listening. Different emotions were displayed into one, and when Loki felt the mask slipping, he looked indifferent. Natasha turned back and stopped in the red light.

"Loki, let's start over. Let's pretend that our first meeting never happened. The canvas is now white."

Loki said "Canvas? You mortals have a strange way with metaphors." Natasha could feel Loki's smile. The assassin felt a shift in their relationship. What once were enemy to enemy was now two lost individuals trying to become friends, to became survivors that worked together in this crazy, messed up world. Natasha said "I'm Natasha Romanoff. I'd like to rip off the red and the black we've painted on our canvas and turn it white. Would you?"

"I…I am Loki. I am not sure of who I am or of what is after this, but I…"

The ex-god was trying. He was trying to let that mask of his slip, trying to trust Natasha.

"I would like to as well, Agent Romanoff."

Power

The feeling of power and control surged through Natasha and because Loki couldn't see, she smiled sardonically. So far, the mission was going perfect. She whipped out sentimental junk from her life and successfully got Loki to trust her a little more.

But Natasha cleared her throat and said "Do you have any story to tell?"

Loki made a sound of surprise and said "Story?" Natasha laughed a little and said "Sure, I mean, in a few hours, you have to sit on the floor because the sun will set."

So Loki told her about his childhood.

Natasha had conflicting feelings.

First, she would feel immense guilt for what she's doing. Lying to Loki and promising escape when all she's really doing is bringing him to his death. She felt like she wanted to take Loki back. Never mind that Loki would probably never trust her ever again, she just felt the need for Loki to be safe and _alive_.

Second, Natasha felt control. She felt the sadistic pleasure of being the one to end Loki's life. She felt the happiness in erasing her team's nightmares and PTSD from the battle because Loki would be gone forever.

Heart pounding erratically against her ribcage, she saw the sun come up and hear the rustling of Loki sitting on the floor.

She decided that she wanted to fulfil this mission.

The white canvas will have its colors.

The different shades of red splattered and speckled on the white, the paint dripping like the blood that Natasha has spilled. Like the blood that is about to spill, and the life that will soon end by her own doing.


	7. Chapter SIX: A Little INKLING

**Chapter SIX**

**A Little INKLING**

"I hope you're comfortable there on the floor because our first stop is three hours away," Natasha says, and Loki says, "Yes, I am fine down here."

Loki wants to trust Agent Romanoff.

When he sat in the glass cage of his back in Stark Tower, he thought about his life, the string of events that would happen if he did not act out of jealousy. He imagined all of the things that he could've done that didn't involve the breaking of the Bifrost, destruction, pain, betrayal and chaos. He thought about the people who used to love him unconditionally, the people who smiled at him and was kind to him. He thought about Thor. What kind of brothers would they be now if Loki hadn't done everything to get him exiled, to hurt his friends and to destroy the realm he promised he would protect?

Loki wanted to trust Agent Romanoff. Her confession made him want to trust her because _damn it he just wants to feel secure again_.

The first time he met the agent, something sparked interest inside of him. The woman was impressive as a master assassin and as a SHIELD agent. She was good at severing strings that connected to her, and she was good at eliminating the enemy. The agent was a murderess: quick, lethal and dangerous. Loki felt proud when he managed to strike fear and hollow pain inside of the famous Black Widow. He felt proud that such a strong and sturdy woman could be broken down and stripped to her very core with just the play of the right words at the right time. Reciting all of her missions and her failures, the fact that her ledger was gushing red was enough to make her freeze.

Now, he saw Agent Romanoff in a different light. Now that they were both escaping, he no longer saw Natasha as an enemy to eliminate or a burden to take care of. He saw her as someone who could be his friend.

The ex-god felt pathetic. He felt pathetic for wanting comfort and happiness from a mere mortal, but the mortal understands. They were the same, somehow, two different evils. The mortal has killed and spilled blood like anybody else in her team, and Loki's weapons weren't exactly pure and untouched. The agent has betrayed and left people's hearts cut open and bleeding –both metaphorically and physically—and Loki has betrayed everyone who ever loved him. The agent had done so many wrong things and she tried, oh she tried, to save others and save herself. She tries to be the hero.

That's where the similarities stop. Loki has no intention to become the hero, even if it means he would be in Midgard for all of his immortality. He has no desire to save or to protect, but he wants to have this want. He wants to be the hero, but the ex-god doesn't know how to do this. Everybody knows him as the man who tried to become Midgard's king and failed, but not without damaging his would-be subjects.

But Loki will try. Maybe if he trusted Natasha, then he would know how to be the hero.

Natasha likes the silence.

It's most definitely not comfortable, but the silence helps her think. The mission was going smoothly, their next stop is only two hours away and Stark or the rest of the team haven't seemed to notice the loops. Maybe the CGI Database was activated. Either way, the SHIELD Agents _and _the team haven't noticed that something's wrong.

Unless they visit the cell itself.

Natasha swallows, her chest tightening at the thought. Fury hadn't thought about that situation, wherein the ex-god is being delivered food three times a day. This minor detail could jeopardize the whole operation. The agent can't decide if accepting this mission was a good choice or a bad one. Her feelings were all muddled and conflicted and her basic concept of right and wrong –which was severely screwed up as it is—got even more confusing. It's as if she couldn't tell the difference between black and white, and this was frustrating her.

The master assassin was trained for many things. She knew almost every martial art, could wield almost any weapon, knew codes and certain passwords for many things and devices and knew how to hack into files and databases. But she was _never _trained to control her emotions,she learned that on her own. They were taught how to mask them, but she had full control over them. She can choose which ones to show, and sometimes, she could even get rid of her feelings for a certain situation.

But right now, it's as if she was a high school girl again, in the middle of puberty and her emotions an emotional rollercoaster. She rolls her eyes at the cliché-ness of the entire idea, and dismisses it from her mind.

Natasha couldn't understand why she felt this way. She had to pull herself together and focus on getting Loki where he's supposed to be, not dwelling on why she felt like ditching the whole operation and taking Loki somewhere safe instead.

These demons continued to battle within her. As she drove down a highway, she suddenly thought of the team.

They've learned to grow closer even if they were far away. A common enemy brought them together, and their friendship was strong yet unexplainable. A pang of hurt ran through her chest as she thought of Clint. Clint was sent on a mission to kill her, instead, he looked down onto his feet, his bow and arrow still aimed at Natasha's chest, and nodded curtly to the side. Natasha's mouth hung open, eyes wide and disbelieving, but Clint already started walking away. He stopped abruptly and barked, "Come on." After that day, Natasha always felt like she owed him for saving her life, but she never knew how to repay the kindness he showed him on that day. Until now.

The agent shook her head, and focused on the mission. _Fury's an idiot if he thinks this whole thing is going to work _Natasha thought with a scowl, thinking over the hundred things that could go wrong. The random skater-boy might pass by, seeing the suspicious black mini-van driving to an almost desolate house by the edges of New York. A policeman could ask for inspection or whatever.

Then, if the mission is a success. There are so many consequences they'll have to deal with and as barbaric Asgardians may be, they won't erase all of Loki's existence. These punishments are up to the All-Father to decide, not Fury, who unfortunately against Odin is like an ant against a boot. A nice analogy inspired by Loki's first words to the one-eyed director.

Buildings began to fade from the background, and are instead replaced with houses and a factory here and there. The house is just thirty minutes away. A lump forms in Natasha's throat, and she doesn't know exactly what to feel about the whole situation.

Everything was a mess. Angles and lines weren't as straight as they were supposed to be, and when Natasha looked at the grand scheme of things, the picture was blurry yet clear in some spots. The entire metaphoric and admittedly cliché jigsaw puzzle of just about everything was strewn across the traditional mahogany table, like a child who couldn't solve anything had thrown a tantrum, but left bits of pieces of connected pictures together.

But weren't they all children in this big and scary world? They just discovered that there were higher beings that coexisted with them from the beginning. Who wouldn't feel like children?

The house was five minutes away.

Natasha hardened her expression and told herself that she would be able to do this mission. Whatever comes afterwards, she'll deal with it because she'll find a way. If she can't, there are other strings that she could reattach to herself, and continue on. It will be painful, and they might ignite a war against Asgardians and other freaks of nature, but they will all be able to move on.

Without Loki, too.

But there it is, stronger than her doubt and fear and pain. An inkling of something she couldn't quite place. It started right after Loki told a story of his childhood, right before the sun came up.

"_I was with Thor, and the two of us foolishly went into the woods on our own, rebelling against our parents' laws like the good children we are. The air was chilly and the snow fell like dust, and we ventured out, equipped with fur coats and what little magic I, a mere twelve year old, had. Everything was playing out swimmingly until a Bilgesnipe decided to lumber about, and Thor and I froze. Thor, seeing the war in everything surprised me when his face broke out into the brightest grin I've ever seen, and he cautiously approached the large beast with slow and calculated steps, dropping Mjolnir onto the blanket of snow."_

_Loki paused, taking a breath as if the story was a little heavy to tell. It should be, Natasha figured, because this was his childhood. Better days, happier moments with Thor and his family. This should hurt. "The Bilgesnipe was a kind one. Thor was delighted when the creature bowed and allowed Thor to run his fingers through its fur, and Thor beckoned me to come and pet the wild beast. I was afraid, of course, because we weren't supposed to be there, but I stepped forward anyway, tentatively stroking the fur near its antlers. It...it slowly descended, and went down on its knees, like a subject kneeling before his king. Then, Thor nudged me and said 'I know, brother, that you think you have slim chances to become King of Asgard in the near future, and that you think you are not of worth, but look at this Bilgesnipe. He respects you and kneels before you, so it must mean that you are truly a king. I think so too, look brother, I shall kneel.' Kneel he did. I still remember these words, the giddy grin Thor gave me and the almost respecting air the Bilgesnipe gave me."_

"_Only then did I ever feel like I was truly loved."_

Natasha parked into the driveway of the house, covered by a forest of trees and bushes. When they got out of the mini-van, the greens might hide them. Well, she _hopes _it is enough to camouflage them. That inkling grew stronger in her heart, and it was very close to warmth and the urge to protect.

She shook her head and took the bag in the passenger's seat beside her, sliding out of the car and slamming the door shut. She opened Loki's door, and very quickly, they went inside the abandoned house through the backdoor.

Natasha will work hard on stamping down those feelings.

Natasha wasn't very good with identifying sentimental emotions. Hatred, passion, anger, annoyance and all the others, she could sense. It all helped her identify who the enemy is. But she was never well-oriented in the art of love, friendship or happiness. No, all the emotions she knew were dark and highly influenced by her own set of talon-wielding demons.

The closest to love she ever felt was Clint saving her from a rather tricky mission in Budapest, and it wasn't very romantic. No, he saved her from a sixty-story fall off a building and slapped her in the face for being so _stupid _to fall into a trap like that. Then a pat on the back. That's love for her.

So she felt dread fill in her heart when she realized that small feeling that was begging for her attention was her own twisted definition of love.


	8. Chapter SEVEN: A RECONNECTION

**Chapter SEVEN**

**A RECONNECTION**

The house was empty.

Of _course _it was, but it was the kind of empty that felt like even if it had people living in it, it would still feel lifeless and bare. Natasha and Loki went in through the backdoor which turned out to be another entrance to the kitchen. The kitchen was simple. Cupboards still holding a random assortment of non-perishables were intact. The counter looked like it was newly washed. The tiles were coated with a layer of dust. The two runaways walked out of the kitchen, and into the dining room. It looks like the family that used to live here just walked away from a meal. Some chairs were pulled out and dirty plates were on top the smooth mahogany. "How did you know that this house was empty?" came Loki's question, breaking the delicate silence. Natasha stepped onto the carpet of the living room, running her hand through a fur couch, and she said "When you arrived in Stark Tower, and when I arrived, I was lost. Trapped inside a nightmare that…you brought. I wanted to escape, so I planned my own route and searched for houses and stop-overs that were empty. I knew I could've just left the country, but I thought of my team. Somehow, deep in the recesses of my screwed up head, I found it in me to stay here, but farther. And then I decided to take you with me."

The agent sat on the fur couch, looking at the dull wallpaper on the wall. The whole picture was depressing, and she was impressed that SHIELD even found a house like this.

Or they raided the home and took the family with them. It explains the dirty dishes on the table and strewn chairs.

Natasha took the bag and opened the contents. In it were her weapons –which were mostly hand-held devices and guns—and the essentials. Money, clothes, medicine, phones and trapping devices. You never know when the sudden mutant might just come along. Loki tentatively sat beside her, and Natasha didn't trust Loki but she placed a dagger in his hand. The ex-god looked confused, to which Natasha replied to with a curt nod. "You never know what might happen. You have no magic, no weapons, nothing proper to withstand against blows or attacks. I hear you're handy with this," Natasha said, and from the corner of her eyes she could see Loki looking at it, watching it glint in the sunlight.

The murderess checked her weapons, loaded and re-loaded her guns, and said "We're only staying here for five hours, wait the day out. Then, we're stopping over for sustenance and maybe gas if we need to." She looked at Loki, trying to find out if he was listening, and he was, but he was more focused on the dagger.

Natasha shivered.

Sometimes, she questioned herself about SHIELD. SHIELD was an intelligence organization that was formed to protect the world. They were supposed to be the good guys, the people who protected innocents. But do they? SHIELD agents and workers are all trained to be master assassins and skilled spies. How much blood do they all have on their hands? And what about Fury? He talks about peace yet wields a giant bazooka aimed at someone's face. Maria Hill? Coulson? They've killed as well.

Now here they were, on a mission to execute an ex-god with no way of protecting himself, and they call themselves the good guys.

Natasha shook her head, and watched as Loki ventured around the house, stopping by family portraits and the old piano pushed against the wall. The agent smiled a little, as the ex-god began playing a few keys, giving life into the house. The agent stood up, walking silently towards Loki, and she said "I didn't know you could play," the ex-god shrugged and said "We had similar instruments like this…piano, but the Asgardians don't care for them. They called me weak and pathetic for learning how to play them. Entertainment like this wasn't very popular in Asgard, you see. These were instruments to the poor, to those who couldn't battle like a proper Asgardian should."

The agent pulled the stool out and sat in front of the piano, making Loki take a few steps back. An old Russian piece came to Natasha's mind, and her fingers tapped the keys lightly. The tune was splendid. High and low notes strung together, forming intertwining melodies that filtered the musky air. Awe swirled in the ex-god's emerald eyes, Natasha was transported to another world. Somewhere safe, in some place when those hands were a pianist's, not of a murderer's. Black and white stood in rows, dipping down when ivory fingers touched them. This continued on. The peace and melody danced in the air for a few more minutes, and eventually died a good death. Natasha opened her eyes.

Loki's eyes were fixated on Natasha, awe and wonder dancing through his wide eyes before he quickly caught himself, and looked down. The agent stood up and pushed the stool back in, walking away like nothing happened. She sighed. This tension cannot last because then, Loki would get suspicious.

She walked back, and when Loki looked up with a tinge of hopefulness in his eyes, she felt warm.

"Can you play anything?" Natasha asked, but Loki didn't answer. A battle clearly raged within Loki. Natasha sighed, and bit her lip. In this mission, she had to take a few drastic measures, and this was one of them. She reached up, the ex-god being taller than her even in his mortal form, and caressed his cheek. All at once, the universe stopped buzzing, time stopped ticking, and they were still.

She felt Loki freeze. She felt Loki's breath hitch as if her touch was icy or searing or both. Natasha bit her lip, which to her was a sign that she was racking her brain for something meaningful lie to say, but to Loki, it looked like nervousness. "I…want you to trust me, alright? This isn't easy for me and I know it's not for you but with a master assassin trained to kill since eight…and an ex-Asgardian god, when will it be ever easy?" The agent laughed a little. The ex-god eased into her touch a little, and Natasha resisted her urge to slap him. Loki looked down, unable to digest the fact that this was all happening and he felt pathetic for feeling this way.

Natasha walked away.

Strangely, she didn't feel hurt or angry or in any way like she was betraying herself and her own choices. No, she felt like she did something good. She felt like a hero.

_**NO **_she told herself. Firmly.

That all dissolved when she felt arms wrap around her in an awkward kind of hug.

The silence was thick and filtered the air like honey. Natasha didn't move, she didn't speak and she didn't even breathe. Those arms were gentle, but they were the gentle that could only be described as hesitant, not caring.

The agent released a breath, and turned around, pushing Loki away, her face flowing with color. A slightly hurt look washed over Loki's eyes, and he stepped back, realizing that the extremely thin line the _both _of them were walking on was even more fragile.

"Excuse me," Natasha stiffly said and walked down the hallway. She didn't care where it led, or how she made Loki feel.

Her heart felt funny, and she would be lying if she said that she _didn't _want to cut it out and figure out what the _hell _was wrong with her.

No matter what the chapter title of this story tells you, this isn't a reconnection. It's seeing everything you've felt and deciding that you didn't understand how your connections and disconnections worked.

So do not be confused.

But in a twisted, secretive sort of way, this was a reconnection of sorts.


End file.
